Conflict, I’m sure, needs no introduction because it is no
stranger to everyone. Since everyone has surely at least encountered conflict
once before in his/her lifetime, it is puzzling that not many know how to
resolve, or better yet, avoid them. Indeed, conflicts in any type of
relationships are inevitable; as long as two parties (or more) have different
opinions and perceptions, disagreements and misunderstandings arise. These take
place between friends and family, in a relationship, even in the workplace.
Take John and Jane Doe’s case, for instance.
It was John and Jane’s first wedding anniversary and Jane
was really excited. She had spent weeks planning every single detail of the
surprise dinner she would be throwing for him, and had checked with him
beforehand to ensure he kept that night free. That morning, as she kissed John
off to work, she said, “I’ll be waiting for you!”
John nodded distractedly and drove off. He was a doctor
working in the A&E department, and like most Singaporean men nowadays, his
work was very consuming. In fact, his mind was already on last night’s cases
and how he would follow them up. Needless to say, he had already forgotten his
wife’s bright smile and cheery words. Unfortunately, that night he had to tend
to an emergency case that came in just as he was about to leave, and he ended
up reaching home only in the wee hours of the night.
“Where were you the whole night? I tried to contact you but
your phone was switched off!” Jane started ranting at John immediately as he
stepped into the hall. John, who was already exhausted, quickly felt his temper
rising and shouted back, “I had to work overtime! These things happen and you
just can’t expect life to always be the way you want!” Jane, who interpreted
John’s defensive words as, “You shouldn’t be upset because I have good reasons
for being late. Anyway my work is more important than you, and you are too
demanding/needy”, grew angry and stormed upstairs. And hence the cold war
starts.
Maybe the conflict arises from the fact that men and women
hears and interprets the same words differently. When Jane confronted John,
what she actually felt could be worry that something has happened to John, especially
when she was unable to reach him (oh the woes of short battery life), yet her
tone and body language could have led John to believe that she thought there
was no excuse for being late, and hence is accusing John of being
irresponsible. On the other hand, John does not hear her worry, but picks up
her disapproval instead. So he becomes defensive instead. How should they
resolve the issue, or even better, what can they do to avoid the argument in
the first place?
Food for thought: Conflict stems from misunderstandings due
to different opinions, perceptions and beliefs. Since gender gives rise to
different perspectives and expectations, do they also play a role in giving
rise to conflicts?
1 comments:
hm...interesting this reminds me of a certain meme on facebook...
I certainly feel that gender give rise to different perspectives/ expectations, and difference in opinions / expectation give rise to conflicts. But I wouldn't directly link gender to conflicts...
it's an age old question: do males think differently from females? Certainly they do, but doesn't everyone think differently from everyone else? is it the chemistry, the upbringing, or the personality? certainly they all influence our behaviors beliefs, but do they matter in and of itself?
stereotypes are ubiquitous nowadays and it's difficult not to be influenced by them. I am not saying that stereotypes are necessarily bad role models, after all, what is wrong about men being career centered and women being domestic? there's nothing wrong with that, just as there's nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home dad or a career centered mom. But nowadays, i feel like people are using stereotypes as an excuse for how they behave.
You're a man and so you're allowed not to be considerate? You're a woman so you're allowed to be weak/ neurotic? People should have a clearer understanding of who they are. If you're inconsiderate, then accept the fact that you're inconsiderate, instead of pushing it aside and excusing it with it being the "mescaline trait". Instead of recognizing it as a bad trait, I feel like people are fooling themselves by repackaging it to be something excusable because "masculinity" is always desirable.
Please excuse my rant...lol...your post is really good food for thought =)
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